You’re getting married! But who to invite?!

Now, this may sound like a silly question ~ surely everyone you love! But the reality for many couples is that choosing your guest list is where wedding planning can start to get tricky, with family politics and certain family members all having an opinion. So let’s start with the basics.

Firstly, why are you getting married? Well, hopefully because you are madly in love with one another and want to spend the rest of your lives together! But for me (at least), marriage is also about bringing two different families and friendship groups together, and it’s great if you can have these people celebrating with you.

The best place to start is to write a draft guest list as a couple, and maybe allocating your must-have and would like to have guests. Then go through this checklist and see how it may affect your guestlist:

Your venue and budget

Whether you have already chosen your venue or not, your guest list is likely to have an impact on, or be impacted by your choice of venue. Almost every venue will have a maximum capacity, and many also have a minimum number of guests, particularly on peak dates. The number of guests you invite is also likely to have a direct impact on your budget, with each additional guest costing £50 – £150+ for food alone.

Family members

If you’re lucky, inviting parents, siblings, your own children and maybe even grandparents will be a no-brainer. But when it comes to step-family, aunts, uncles, cousins, their spouses and children it can get trickier. One of you may have a beloved step-parent and a close network of cousins, while the other may struggle to recognise them in the street, so you may need to take each on a case-by-case basis.

Friends and colleagues

Well, how long is a piece of string?! You are going to have to draw the line somewhere, and it may be that someone is disappointed, but at the end of the day, it’s your wedding. Now, I’m not a huge fan of having evening guests as it can feel a little bit second-class, but it can be a great way of including those local friends and close colleagues who don’t quite make the final cut. Try to avoid putting anyone who will have to travel leagues across the country in this category though, as that can feel a little disingenuous.

Children

To include children or to exclude children?! In my opinion, this is entirely up to you! There are pros and cons to each (cute flower girls vs screaming child during your ceremony). Don’t worry too much about offending anyone though, in most cases parents are very understanding and often appreciate an excuse for a night away from the kids. It’s also completely acceptable to limit children to close family members only. Just be mindful of any mothers of babes in arms, as they may feel excluded if they are unable to bring their child.

Friends of parents

You may find that your parents have some strong opinions on who you should be inviting to your big day, and this can cause some heated discussions. If they are contributing financially then they may justifiably feel they have a say, so talk things through with them, discuss the impact (especially if it means you have to cut other guests), and try to reach a consensus.

Plus ones?

If you’re struggling to get to grips with your ever-expanding guestlist, a great rule of thumb is to set a time period (say, 12 months), and if you haven’t seen or socialised with someone in that time, then you need a strong reason to include them on your list. This can also be helpful for removing a few plus ones who you may never have even met.

A final thought

Remember, this is your wedding. Spend some time getting the guest list right for you, but if possible run it by significant others so that they feel involved in the process. There will always be a few guests who can’t make it, so this may open up spaces for others.

Thank you to @larajacquesphotography for these lovely images.